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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I know not everyone likes being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?